TT_TT = Extra Crying Smiley. (because, y'know, sometimes you really need to use the full range of the awkward symbol-using medium to fully communicate the extent of your sorrow.)
:W :<> = Mother bird feeding baby bird (I really have no explanation as to when or where this may be used, but be quiet. My blog, my rules.)
C : = Smiley smiling waaaay to wide to be anything but creepy.
U_U = Asleep smiley
H_H = Just woke up smiley
R_R = "Why the hell did you just wake me up?" Smiley
I _ I = Robot Smiley
:-/ = Lying Down Smiley
d'_'b = Sticking-out-ears Smiley
:-(=:-*=:-*=:-* = Human Centipede Smiley
( * ) = Y'now what, I know I better than this shit. What happened to this blog?
( Y ) = Oh now you're just trying to piss me off, brain.
( . )( . ) = Oh screw you brain.
8=D-- = No. Don't you dare. Don't you even go there! Don't make me come up there!
Phew. Minor Technical issue there. Now if we j :C( * ) q: oh that is it. I am coming after you with a pickaxe, brain!
. . .
That's all. Now go call a friend to say hi or something . . .
Stuff you should look up: The Golden Rolex watch of the internet
(after it's been dropped on the floor one too many times. Or fifty. Plus the strap is broken. And it had a dead battery. And all the shiny bits have been scratched off. And there's this weird smell from the last dumpster it was pulled from bec- y'know, never mind.) . . . Music -Games --LittleBigPlanet 2 (because that's what I'm playing right now)
1) A Fifth Of Beethoven
2) Batteroo
3) Disco Shmisco
4) What Are You Waiting For?
5) Rock Your Body Rock (Freddy Corsten)
. . .
Bonus Round!!! SleepyHead
That's It. Now Go And Make Some Really Annying Typos And Formatting Errors Or Someings . . .
Pic details here. . . . Now I'm not the most charitable man in the world. I sometimes keep a jar with a few coppers in it and a hole punched in the top for the sole purpose of scaring away other people who come up to you in the street and attempt to rob you of self-assurance, any non-guilty thoughs you once had, and several, if not, (god forbid) a couple of, euros a month in favour of some poor, sick child who has the unfortunate illness hospitals like to call "Pisspooritis". But it seems to me like the whole world has some kind of deep, strange relationship with tiny transactions.
Yes, this was brought to mind in a comic by theoatmeal.com , and it makes a good point. Why are we so quick to justify why we never spend just a few cents in a tip jar, but can clearly see the reason why we need that box of cereal that costs €10 a spoonful. (Special K? More like Special Au at that kind of price, amirite?)
We can readily spend a few bob on those several coffees we "need" every morning, but can't shell out for a nicer pair of socks than those? (you know the ones I'm talking about. Everyone has a pair. The one's from secondary school. Probably even before that.)
I just think it's strange when I find myself making transactions on the internet for only a euro or two into a huge issue, when I can literally put my hand in my pocket, take out a coin, throw it at a passing car/cyclist/-nother fucking charity collecter out the window, and not think twice about it.
Well no more! I am going to subscribe to a charity and make all you guys so jealous of my selfless and giving nature, you're going to hate me for it. I'm going to become that one self-righteous bastard in any given group of people that the others just wish would shut up about their beliefs and stop, dear god, stop talking about that time they went with their friends to work in New Zealand and really, y'know, got it, y'know? Oh how you'll loath me for being the sort of person who interrupts other people's stories with useless bits of information, or makes a family guy reference mid-sentence, and doesn't realise he's sent the table into an awkward silence because that one guy down at the end is actually from that country and doesn't get the joke. . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . I think I may have accidently proven/disproven my theorum about why people aren't exactly charitable in this day and age. Or likeable people, anyway.
. . .
Community Activity Results 1!
I will humor you but only cause it was your birthday the other day... tyvrb yk - Mags.
I really do appreciate you taking the time to faceplant your computer peripherals. But that was an average mark, I think. I do like the way you managed to avoid the "g" despite it being in the middle of the other keys, though.
gf vbyjnmhj jm as requested. - Andy.
Thank's Andy! I can see you really put some work into this one! Several spaces signify a real nice faceroll goin' on here! Good work!
gfv rgthnjuhygtfvdcerftghyu hygtfrv - ?.
. . . feckin' teacher's pet. One in every class. . .
Community Bonding Session #2!
The item directly to your left is your weapon in zombie apocolypse. On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 is a jar of barbeque sauce, 11 is a fully stocked nuclear bunker) how absolutely boned are you?
Tell your friends!
. . .
That's all for this week's episode. Now go and stay tuned for more irreverent bullshit or something . . .
You know what I find hilarious? About two thousand years ago (give or take) one man stood up, transcended his humble carpentry roots, spoke of his beliefs, and influenced tens of billions of people all across the world. His book is the best selling ever, and everyone on earth knows his name. His beliefs? Wouldn't it be so much better if we were all nice to one another. But that's not the funny bit. The punchline is that for this, he was nailed to a tree, and people haven't stopped killing each other in his name ever since!
. . .
Ok. New Idea. This is mandatory for any and all people who read this blog. I can only keep this up for as long as I feel I'm getting a response, like it's worthwhile in some way. So here we are, a bit of community-based activity: Different things posted every week, each of which needs your active participation! Post your answers in the comments below. If embarressed, just stay anonymous, but whatever you do, don't just leave me hanging here. Every time you do,
So here's a test run:
Minion Order 1
Community Activity 1: Mash Face On Keyboard. Post Results In Comment Box.
Thats it! Happy Facerolling!
. . . Bad Porn Titles Of Current Box Office Movies . . . Sorta! (BPTOCBOMS?) . . . wait, wait, I can do better . . . Porn In Current Box Office Movies! (PICBOM!) . . . yeah, that works better.
Time for P.I.C.B.O.M.!
Karma Sutra Panda! Iron Manhood 2! The Green Horny-et! The Fast And The Furious Fuckers 5! Ass-Pirates Of The Carribean: On A Stranger's Thighs XXX-Men: First Ass! Source Co-Eds! Well-Hung Over: Part 2!
Now available at your local shady back alley from The Guy In The Trenchcoat Who Smells Weird for the low-low price of Whatever You Had In Your Jacket! . . .
That's all folks! Now go watch a funny LP or something . . . . . . pic details here.
What I learned about Social Life on Co-op (a.k.a. The Story So Far)
1. Never stop smiling. 2. Know what you're talking about. 3. Think of ways you can make everyone else more comfortable. Constantly. 4. Duvets. Duvets everywhere. 5. If you think you're right, convince them. Winning an argument is not throwing shame, anger, sarcasm doubt or even incontrovertable evidence on the opposition's beliefs, but instead its convincing the other person of your points of view. 6. Always always always push that little bit more. 7. Don't stop working. 8. Get out more. Clubs'n'shit. 9. Early mornings are healthier. Getting shit done before 12 changes the whole day. 10. Exercise three times a week at least. 11. Keep conversation alive. Unless #3. 12. Try not to be such a raging dickbrain. 13. Tea. Biscuits. You don't eat them. Other people do. 14. Be more interested. In everything. Especially in how things work. Not why. That's the physicist's job. But how. 15. Don't force your hobbies on others if it conflicts with #3. Which it will. Almost always. 16. Everyone loves movie nights. 17. Have beer ready for other people. Have spirits ready for yourself. 18. Your laptop, games and music are only little safety blankets to stop you from thinking. Get away from them more. 19. You like it when people ask for your help, ergo, other people like it when you ask for their help, ergo this notion that you only annoy people when you ask for their help is completely and utterly wrong. 20. 5 Things They Never Told Us: Daniel O'Brien on Cracked.com is the truest thing ever written. ---You don't become an adult. You suddenly are one. ----------------Hence, get a grip and learn how to pay bills and fill out forms. ---Almost everything you're doing is absolutely meaningless. ----------------Especially in college. Hence, have more of a life. It's not what you know, it's how well you can pretend you know what you're doing. ---You've lost the energy you had when you were young. ----------------Uhhhh. I dunno 'bout this one. I was a pretty boring 14 year old. Hence, try do more stupid stuff now. ---You'll have you're last summer and not even realise it. ----------------Hence, go abroad. Asap. ---You're an idiot and will change you're life outlook every 2 years. 21. Hug more. 22. Bitches Girls love it when you just go for it. 23. Just because they offer you food does not mean you always take it. It's their food. Not yours. 24. Organise more stuff. Any stuff. 25. Always try to end on a multiple of 5. 26. Be way more confident.
Most Important Rule:
Learn To Ask The Right Questions.
Then you'll get the answers you want.
Remember this for the Fourth Year Project. . . . I honestly don't know what to say after this, guys. I'll talk to ya soon. Go and get drunk and wake up in the next country or something . . .
Ok, roysh. I think I can get an actual blog post out on the right day that is well written, thoughtful, insightful, grammatically correct, and-
Pfft!
Nope. Couldn't say it with a straight face. . . . I've heard a lot of people attempt the Irish accent when I tell them where I'm from on my travels. That is to say every single foreign person feels compelled to give me their "best" Irish accent as soon as I tell them I'm Irish. And yet people yell at me when I attempt a Japenese accent, telling me that it's "racist" or some shit. If you want to do a horrifically racist stereotype, then at least do it properly! So here's the lowdown, from the best I can describe it:
Southern Irish Accent The "traditional" Irish accent. Whenever you hear a leprechaun on TV, this would be the closest you would get in a real life situation. Which is to say, about as close as I'll ever get to a threesome with Lucy Liu and Jessica Alba. On the moon. Sub-accent---Cork accent. Hoo boy. The big one. You really need to hear this to believe it. Legend has it Corkites invented this dialect to make outsiders feel afraid and confused when in their company, thus being able to weed out any non-Corkanians or Kerryese from literally any conversation. Think "random and garbled", add some nasal, raise the tone of every sentence at the end so it sounds like a question, even when it's not? Change every "A" for an "E"? And add a "like" or "boy" to the end of every sentence and yer laughin, like y'know boy?
Northern Irish Accent Might as well be a foreign language, for all the resemblance it bears to the other accents. Speech is generally formed around insults and insinuations regarding either Catholics or Protestants and the religeous leaders thereof. It's almost scottish, but more nasal. In Scotland, Now=Noo. In N.I. "now" is pronounced "Nie". "How" is pronounced "Hie" etc. Add something unintelligable about the IRA and you're done. Sub-accent---Donegal accent: Similar but gentle and soft-spoken. Breathy, calm speech pattern. Gives the impression that the speaker is a complete and total pussy.
Western Irish Accent Mayo and Glaway, referred to as "the oule wesht" by some, are where Cromwell, James I, and Elizebeth I (the cunts! All irish people are required from birth to say that whenever Cromwell is mentioned.) moved all the Catholics out to during the plantations. There remains the truest spirit of Irishness. That is to say, everyone is miserable and theres no money out there. The accent has broad, rounded vowels and is punctuated by "ah shure" and "y'know" instead of commas.
North Dublin Accent Aaaaaaaaalroit, man? Hew's the ska, laaaad? Did you understand that? If so, congratulations, you can go to the next lesson. If not? Well. I dunno. North Dublin is seen as, uh, less economically advantageous than the rest of the county. Hoodlum youths have developed a nasally, slack-jawed, word-replaced speech that is entirely their own. A "Looper" is an energetic person. A "Fookin loi'weigh' " is a person who cannot drink much alcohol without getting drunk. The list goes on. That's an entry for another day.
South Dublin Accent This is known as the "posh" version of the Dublin dialect. Should be spoken with lots and lots and lots of "like"'s and all those other California-type speech impediments, and with stiff cheeks. Change all "A"'s with "O"'s so it sounds like you're looking down on everyone. All the time. Congatulations, you sound like a total tool. Or should I say: Oh My Gowd, roysh. You, loike, totally sound loike a complete and otter benny, man. Loike, you have neuw oidea!
Aaaaand you're set! You have passed the Extrapolated Cynicism Irish Language Specifics Alteration Course (Series One, Book One, Chapter One, Lesson One). Feel free to print out this certificate and stop being so racist to Irish people. Or, at the very least, be a better racist. . . . Pic is here.
That's all roysh now. Now go and, loike, go do something oi doin't even, y'know, even caire about, loike. . .
I'm a Product Design student in the University of Limerick, Ireland, with a penchant for video games and sarcasm. I've been described as "Like a John Cleese made of stone" and "the guy with the glasses. . . no, not him, the other one".
. . .
If the blog reads like something farted out of the back pages of a cut-price philosophy textbook, that's because I was going for a "stream of consciousness" approach, but had to settle for "trickle of basic sentience".
