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Stuff you should look up: Up in the context-sensitive sense. Not the literal one.

If you call someone who has too much alcohol a "drunk" . . .

 . . . doesn't that mean you should call an obese person an "ate"?

 . . .


1) Helix Hebula - Anamanaguchi

2) Ubi-Sound - Maniacs of Noise

3) Ukigomo - Higedriver

4) Strife! - Malcolm Brown

5) Loonie - Biohazard

 . . . 

Right, that's your lot for this week. Now go and nurse the hangover back to health or something . . . 

The only blog with the explosive power of a stick of Tynermite!

Help! I've been overcome with the most awful feeling! It feels like I'm terribly alone in a world that cares only about my bank balance and that everything I've ever known and loved will eventually be reduced to ashes and forgotten about as soon as my decaying corpse goes cold. It's the feeling that no matter how hard I try, whatever I do will never be quite right, and even if I am satisfied with my actions, I can be sure in the knowledge that there are litereally thousands of other people who could do it better, faster and with less effort than me. The feeling that I am a miserable pawn in a game that not only do I not understand, but am unwelcome in where they dare me to raise my eyes, give to give them even the feelbest excuse before being thrown into the machinations of the cold, unforgiving, unfeeling machine, left to grease the ever-turning wheels of existance with my mushy remnants.

No. Wait. That's just adulthood in general. My bad. Carry on.
 . . .

*Looks at a list of top 25 oscar-winning movies of all time*
*Looks at old blog post about turning innocent movie titles into porn movie titles*
*Looks at the list again*
*Looks at the clock*
Fuck it. See if you can guess what they are!

Oscar winners as they could have been (if they starred Ron Jeremy)

The Lord of your Ring: Return of the King(ky!)
No Cunt-ry for Older Men
The French Infection (A PSA about STDs)
My Fair Fiiiiiiine Lookin' Lady
One Jizzed over the Cuckoo's Chest
The Deer Hunter - A Story About Cougers
The Sound of Music to Get Fucked To
It Happened One Night. And The Night After That. And Every Night After That.
Gone in the Window
Swinger's List
Lawrence of A-Labia
On the Water-Cunt
The RodFather
Her Godfather: Round Two: He's On Parole
 the list just goes on and on and on and on . . . .
 . . .
 . . . so . . . uh . . . jesus, being funny on demand is hard! . . . .
 . . . maybe if I just make ironic small talk people will think I'm comfortable with the situation. That normally works in the real world.
So! Stuff, eh? . . . . (wait for laughter) . . . 
 . . . crap. Doesn't really work in a pure text format where I'm standing on the rickety soap-box of my soul with a megaphone pressed to my lips pandering to a crowd staring at me like a performing monkey. Staring. Always staring. Judging. Waiting for me to make a mistake. To slip up. To ramble on about nothing until all that remains is a horrible feeling of inadiquacy and shame while desperately letting loose all the meandering, infinished bits of thoughts in the futile attempt to save face anAAAUUGHHITSHAPPENINGAGAINSHITCICLESENDTHEBLOGPOSTENDTHEBLOGPOSTENDTHEBLOGPOSTENDTHEBLOGPOSTENDTHEBLOGPOST
 . . . 
That's the end. Now go discover you're the heir to a long-lot civilisation unwittingly destined to bring about the end of the world and go on an international adventure with a comic-relief best friend and copy-paste hot woman while simultaniously running from a shadowy organised crime syndicate and after a series of increeasingly unlikely coincidences end up on the brink of the collapse of reality only to pull back at the last minute thanks to the stength of the human spirit and the power of friendship while destroying the head of the syndicate but not completely because you still leave a convenient opening for a sequel or something . . . 

(p.s.The picture this week is fanart for this webcomic. It's awesome. Click the "==>" a few times to get a sample. 
There is words too, just not at that particular bit.)

Stuff you should look up: "It's better than Mass!" - J. Christ

"I'm getting a new wallpaper for my desktop because I can't see the recycling bin. Which reminds me, I need to go into photo shop to add noise to these photos so I don't look so fat in them. I need to do it soon because my friends keep leaving messages on my wall and they won't stop poking me! Don't you just hate it when you're menu gets all cluttered up with programs?"

"I didn't think you knew so much about computers!"

"What's a computer?"

" . . . . wait, what?"

 . . . 


This is the sort of music you wish played in the backgrounds of the most important moments of your life. Like graduation. Or making a really big sandwich. Different strokes for different folks.

1) Chop Suey by System Of A Down

2) Europa by Globus

3) Demystify Feast by Twilight Frontier

4) Truth Be Known by Altas Plug

5) Arena Boss Theme by David Bergeaud

 . . . 
That's all for now. 
Now go and photo some shops . . . or shop some photos . . . or . . . something . . . 

I before E except for all those words that ignore the rule. Like science.

If there ever was a phrase to describe Mankind, I believe it would be thus:

If it itches, scratch it.

I'm not being deep here. The people who know me know I'm as deep as a puddle in the Sahara.
(Or the average Stephanie Meyer book. Ooohh burrrn. But seriously. Burn it.)
Maybe I'm being stupid here. Maybe you could look at the statement and make the point that  yes, of course people just respond to stimuli. So do plants. That's a very good point Mr. Hypothetical, now kindly fuck off.
So maybe I should retry it.

If there ever was a phrase to describe Mankind, I believe it would be thus:

If it itches, scratch it.
Then make a porno about it.

 . . . 
There really needs to be a little invention to record drunken nights out. Just something like a bracelet that detects repetitive jumps, signalling the Dancing part of the night. An accelerometer to record number of and timestamps of various fallings over. Maybe even a voice recorder that activates at the phrase:
"Hey. Heyyyyou! You know what you are?" or
"What's your name?" or
"WwWhereeer wee goingg???"
 . . . 
Do you ever feel like annoying pop songs could be greatly improved if they would just sing the lyrics you made up for them? 
Case in point:

#Do you ever feel
Like a plastic bag?
Environmentally irresponsible?
Dangerous around small children?

Do you ever feel
Feel so paper thin?
So thin that you can't think
Of a real metaphor?#

Or maybe

#I would eat a grenade for ya.
Throw mah head on a blade for ya.
Jump in under a train for ya.
You know I'd do anythin for ya.
(Cut to Meatloaf)
Buuut aahh wooon't doo thaaaaaaaat!#

 . . . Yeah, I don't get that feeling either.
 . . . 
I'm just at this moment listening to this song.
For those without functioning hands to work the mouse buttons to click on it, first of all, well done on getting to this web page. I would applaude you but on further thought, that would be kind of a dick move.
Secondly: It's "Elevator" by Flo Rida. 
With regards to the song:

What in the name of banana-flavoured monkey shit is he going on about?
I actually had to look up the lyrics.
Still no luck. Either he's mensa material and the song is actually an allegory to the ever-decreasing moral standards of inner-city society, 
Or, y'know, retard alert. The fact he can't seem to spell "Flow Rider" certainly gives this credit. 

Why the fuck would you want to call yourself "Flow Rider" anyway? That only brings disgusting ideas to mind.
 . . .  
Ugh. That's all I can think of right now.
Now go and bask in my reflected glory or something . . . 

Stuff you should look up: Because sometimes the gene pool needs a lifeguard!

If you and your friends are anti-conformist . . . 
 . . . . doesn't that kind of make it pointless?

 . . . 

          -Based on the "Advice Dog" Meme

This here is advice dog:
It's a picture of a puppy on a colour wheel background accompanied by ridiculous instructions.
 . . . 

Humanity is retarded. 
But then there's Advice Dog's bastard children. The one's he hasn't spoken to in twenty years, and even then only at family funerals, thus forcing them to make it on there own in the real world by having them pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.

These are the ones that flourished:

1) Courage Wolf

2) Insane Wolf

3) Socially Awkward Penguin

4) Paranoid Parrot

5) Family Tech Support Guy

Yeah, this one kind of hit home with me. For the situation, I mean, not the photo. I look nothing like that.
I think.
Dammit. There's the Socially Awkward Penguin side of me.
 . . . 
That's a wrap folks, now go and make some tortilla wraps or something . . .

If jesus owned a lamborghini and read this blog . . . I still wouldn't be able to properly finish this analogy.

Huh. Wednesday already. . . . 
 . . . 
I'm sure there's someting I do every Wednesday . . .
 . . . 
Something very regular that I should enjoy doing . . . 
 . . . 
On my computer . . . 
 . . . 
God. What should I be doing? . . . 
 . . . 
Oh well, I'm sure it can't have been tha- (looks at empty blogger page he opened twenty minutes ago and spaced out while listening to a podcast) 
 . . . 
 . . . Hmmmm . . . .
 . . . 
(another ten minutes later, while feckin about on facebook) 
 . . . 
 . . . Shit!

 . . . 
Okay, so in my books, the list of convictable offences goes like this:
1) Wasting Food.
2) Video Game Hardware Theft.
3) Murder (of an innocent).
4) Bureaucratism.
5) Awkward Silence Propogation.
6) Loitering With Intent to Bureaucratise
7) Not Punching Reality TV Stars In The Face.
8) Murder (if they deserved it)
9) Not Having Seen The Movie Wall-E.
10) The rest.

Yeah I probably left some out. What the bankers did to Ireland counts under Bureaucratism, though.
It should be noted that, in my system, several of these penalties carry the death sentence, but only depending on what day of the week it is. It's like a lottery finding out if you get to go to either literal or metaphorical hell.
 . . . 
I should really stretch my "writing muscle" more often.
That's a real thing, though, right? A writing muscle? It's, like, one of the small ones in the ear or some shit? No, wait. Those are the anvil, hammer and nail or something. 
By the way, I've seen pictures of it. That thing looks nothing. Like. A. Fucking. Anvil. I get that they named it that because it's something a hammer hits, but come on! Hammers hit other things!
Call it the Lump. Or the Car Dent. Or the Blunt Nail. Or the Thumb. Or the "Can't touch this!" (a hit by a Hammer, that counts, right?). Or call it the Clueless, Mouthy Woman Married To A Carpenter. I don't know! You're the imaginary bespectacled men in lab coats sitting around a table in a dark room deciding what things are going to be called! (or at least you are in my head) You tell me! 
 . . . 
That picture up there is of an interesting group on deviantart I joined. You make up your own character, and then they give you "assignments" to put your character through. It's a great idea. Purely for the sake of improving your own art and admiring the talents of others. Ignore the anime thing, I'm workin on it. (/serious bit).
 . . . 
Also, here in holland theres a group of us five irish young wans and we each cook a group dinner one day a week, thus forcing me to try and make something beyond pasta or beans on toast (or maybe pasta on toast? Would that work?) which is pretty cool. I'm thinking custom made mini pizzas on pitta breads. Last week I just did tacos. Went pretty ok. (ok, NOW /serious bit! Srsly.)
 . . . 
That's all for this session. Now go leave me alone while I nurse this migraine . . .

Stuff you should look up: Featuring all your favourite letters! From A all the way through to K!

And now: 
Ladies and gentlemen,
For your viewing pleasure,
the man who needs no introduction . . . .
. . . 
 . . . 
 . . . 
 . . . 
 . . . 
 . . . 
 . . . 
 . . . 


1) Deviantart
The big one. You need to trudge through a wasteland of crappy sketches and cartoon porn to get to anything worthwhile. Like this person.

2) Coolvibe
I've linked it before, and I'll link it again. When you want a new desktop wallpaper, you come here. (that would be the most confusing sentence ever to a non-computer-literate person)

3) The Design Inspiration
This is a new one I've found. Some serious talent here, ppl.

4) Adb- . . . Abbadi- . . . . Azb- . . . Something dot com.
It's just got some cool graphic design stuff, K?

5) I New Idea
I'm sure I've linked this one before too. Got the weirdest sense of deja vu. Anyway, heres a wesite that chronicles all those ideas that will make you kick yourself for not thinking of them first.

 . . . 
That's finito for this session.
Now go make some pillows for your feet or something . . . 

A favourite blog of blind people everywhere!

I go to nightclubs. 
I'm not proud of it, but I confess, sometimes the mood just takes me to go to a badly ventialted room with needy young people to play repeated, ear-bleedingly loud music with strangers to awkwardly learn how to not-dance. All while paying rediculous amounts of money for weak alcohol so I can get sufficiently shitfaced enough to fool myself into thinking that it's not all bad. 
I suppose it's pretty hilarious in it's own way. And that in itself is kind of depressing.
 . . . 
Screw it. Here's the type of people who make it worth it. Just for the shits and giggles.
 . . . 
The Leaner (The Buttress / The Handsinthepockets / Get the fuck out of my way!)

Thoughts: Holy Shit, you guys! Are the walls structurally sound in this building? I better sacrifice the best part of my night for the sole purpose of creating an impromptu buttress against this load-bearing vertical face. No! Go on without me. I'll be alright. Perhaps if I cross my legs, put one hand in one pocket, hold my drink with the other, and never take a sip, I'll create optimum leverage. This will make me sooo popular.
Pictured: What will not be happening to this person tonight.

The Raver (Glo-prick / The Animal / The Stripper / Get the fuck out!)

(Read complete with inappropriately emphasised words.)
WOAHYEAH! This is gonna be the greatest party EVAR and NOONE'S gonna stop me from GETTIN' the ROIDE tonight! Get mah glowsticks, everyones gonna LOOVE when I shower them with these babies! It'll be JUST like that one time in Ibiza which was under totally different set-up, environment, and circumstances, but WHO gives a FUCK, right? WOAH! Hey, FUCK you bouncer, whatyamean get out? (Runs. Get's tackled. Get's dragged out.)
What they see . . . 

 . . . What's really happening.

The Stumbler (The human Leaner / The Drunkie / The Splasher / Get the fuck off me!)

Aaayerchysocuuuute. . . . (waits for the next carraige in their train of thought to arrive) . . . . . dammmmnthatgrroopofpeepleshawt. . . . . . . . Imgonnagetinnonnthat . . . . . . . WOOOoooahhjeesuswhoolefttthatsteppthere? . . . . . . whyyysevvryonnepushhinmeeaway? . . . . . wooooahh . . . . . .ihavvvadrink! . . . . .'Salmostemptytho. . . . . iwassureitwasfulljustasec. . . . . . . whyamiallwet? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Why am I outsid-OHGODTHEPAIN!

The Screamer (a.k.a. The Flailer / Get the fuck down!)

Thoughts: None, really, but they will try to dictate them as they occur.
Can you imagine this poor guy's pain?

The Normal (The Nondescript / Trying to get The Fuck.)

Thoughts: Why am I here? Everyone's having a better time than me. My drink better still be where I left it. Is it? Yeah, it is. Oh wow, someone I don't immediately know is in our little dance circle! They're pretty cute t- aaand now they have they're back turned to me like a snowplough in reverse. Get the fuck out of my way. Oh fuck this for a game of hackeysack. I'm gonna go get my drin- where the fuck is it? Ooohhhwhyamiherehyamiherehyamiherehyamiherehyamihere. Fuckin Stumblers stealin my pint again.

 . . . 
That's all I have to say right now. Go join an RPing club or something. . . then look up what RPing is. . .