I'm not gonna lie to ya: this one is gonna be pulled completely out of my ass. Metaphorically, of course. Don't be disgusting. I've just gotten back from a weekend back in Ireland (to the news that it turns out I'm missing nothing back there. Should've gone to Limerick instead.) and not I'm bolloxed after an work, then a run in the gym, then archery, which it turns out is much harder to do when you've wasted all your energy in the aforementioned gym.
I turn on MTV in the morning (since I only have two channels here in the Netherlands and the other's CNN which I can't take more than one minute twenty seconds of, seriously, I timed it and everything) and a song was playing (a song? I hear you ask, Yes! Turns out there isn't much of a market for Teen Mom or Room Raiders (the show that makes kidnapping fun!!!1!!) at 8:30 in the morning, so they fill in the gaps with this "music" stuff that's in the name of their goddamn station.
Below follows my thoughts on this artist's joyful musings:
In My Pocket lyrics My Internal Monologue Lyrics I wish you smelled a little funny --- (Oh man this is gonna be one to remember *stops flicking back to CNN*) Not just funny really bad--- (Fuckin' shakespeare, this guy.) We could roam the streets forever --- (Why? Are you trying to romance this woman with homelessness?) Just like cats but we'd never stray--- (Wh- Wait, what? What does this have to do with smelling bad?) I sometimes wish you were a mermaid --- (Better) I could raise you in the tub at home --- (. . . Not better. Stalkerer.) We could take a swim together --- (more romantic than begging like in the last verse.) On weekly daytrips to the bay --- (Weekly? She'd LIVE in the sea! You'd just be torturing her. Giving her glimpses of a life she once knew.) Oh, you and me--- (pretty self explanatory) It would be only you and me--- (slightly creepy now) You and me--- (*leaning away from the TV*) I wish you were a little bigger--- (Heh. Chubby chaser.) Not just big but really really fat--- (Um. Blimp chaser?) Doors you would no longer fit through--- (uh. . . huh? . . . ) In my bed you would have to stay--- (He's going to fatten you up? Is he the villain in a Brothers Grimm story or what?) I often wish that you had feathers--- (Whatever you're into, i guess) I'd keep you in a giant cage--- (unless that thing is illegal imprisonment) All day long I'd sit and watch you--- (Watching . . . always watching . . . ) And sing for you if it would be okay--- (So she's dressed up as the bird, and you're the one singing? I'm not sure if you know how birds work, mister.) Oh, you and me--- (Here we go again) It'll be only you and me--- (Keep saying it) Oh, you and me--- (It'll only make it less creepy) It'll be only you and me--- (Totally normal, man.) You and me--- (Not calling the cops right now or anything . . . ) People say--- (that you're a freak?) There are plenty of fish--- (and that you're a freak) In the sea--- (Unlike your tortured mermaid-girlfriend) Baby, all I do I wish--- (Wish what?)
I wish, I wish I..--- (What, dammit!)
I wish you were a little slower--- (Wha-? . . . You want her to be autistic?) Not just slow but pa-pa-paralyzed--- (WHAT IN GODS NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU?) I could put you on a socket--- (That's not a paraplegic! That's a fucking robot, dumbass!) And you could never run away--- (How are you still mixing those two things up?)
I really wish that you were smaller --- (You. Need. Help. With your "kinks".) Not just small but really really short--- (Oh Jesus, he's going to cut your legs off.) So I could put you in my pocket--- (aaand the song title finally comes into play. A bit late, no?) And carry you around all day--- (Run woman! Run for the hills!)
Oh I would put you in my pocket--- (Probably in a jar, from what we've seen from this guy.) And carry you around all day--- (Never. Letting you. Out of his sight.)
Oh, you and me--- (Oh, thank god, I think he ran out of horrible deformities to give her.) It'll be only you and me--- (Still creepy.) Oh, you and me--- (How have the FBI not picked up on this guy?) It'll be only you and me--- (How many bodies must he have under his floorboards?) It'll be only you and me--- ( . . . Still a damn catchy tune, though. *adds to youtube playlist*)
. . . Phew! Ok. That's a wrap. Now go make fun of someone more successful than you or something . . .
I'm a Product Design student in the University of Limerick, Ireland, with a penchant for video games and sarcasm. I've been described as "Like a John Cleese made of stone" and "the guy with the glasses. . . no, not him, the other one".
. . .
If the blog reads like something farted out of the back pages of a cut-price philosophy textbook, that's because I was going for a "stream of consciousness" approach, but had to settle for "trickle of basic sentience".