I'm not gonna lie to ya: this one is gonna be pulled completely out of my ass. Metaphorically, of course. Don't be disgusting.
I've just gotten back from a weekend back in Ireland (to the news that it turns out I'm missing nothing back there. Should've gone to Limerick instead.) and not I'm bolloxed after an work, then a run in the gym, then archery, which it turns out is much harder to do when you've wasted all your energy in the aforementioned gym.
I turn on MTV in the morning (since I only have two channels here in the Netherlands and the other's CNN which I can't take more than one minute twenty seconds of, seriously, I timed it and everything) and a song was playing (a song? I hear you ask, Yes! Turns out there isn't much of a market for Teen Mom or Room Raiders (the show that makes kidnapping fun!!!1!!) at 8:30 in the morning, so they fill in the gaps with this "music" stuff that's in the name of their goddamn station.
Below follows my thoughts on this artist's joyful musings:
In My Pocket lyrics My Internal Monologue Lyrics
I wish you smelled a little funny --- (Oh man this is gonna be one to remember *stops flicking back to CNN*)
Not just funny really bad --- (Fuckin' shakespeare, this guy.)
We could roam the streets forever --- (Why? Are you trying to romance this woman with homelessness?)
Just like cats but we'd never stray --- (Wh- Wait, what? What does this have to do with smelling bad?)
I sometimes wish you were a mermaid --- (Better)
I could raise you in the tub at home --- (. . . Not better. Stalkerer.)
We could take a swim together --- (more romantic than begging like in the last verse.)
On weekly daytrips to the bay --- (Weekly? She'd LIVE in the sea! You'd just be torturing her. Giving her glimpses of a life she once knew.)
Oh, you and me --- (pretty self explanatory)
It would be only you and me --- (slightly creepy now)
You and me --- (*leaning away from the TV*)
I wish you were a little bigger --- (Heh. Chubby chaser.)
Not just big but really really fat --- (Um. Blimp chaser?)
Doors you would no longer fit through --- (uh. . . huh? . . . )
In my bed you would have to stay --- (He's going to fatten you up? Is he the villain in a Brothers Grimm story or what?)
I often wish that you had feathers --- (Whatever you're into, i guess)
I'd keep you in a giant cage --- (unless that thing is illegal imprisonment)
All day long I'd sit and watch you --- (Watching . . . always watching . . . )
And sing for you if it would be okay --- (So she's dressed up as the bird, and you're the one singing? I'm not sure if you know how birds work, mister.)
Oh, you and me --- (Here we go again)
It'll be only you and me --- (Keep saying it)
Oh, you and me --- (It'll only make it less creepy)
It'll be only you and me --- (Totally normal, man.)
You and me --- (Not calling the cops right now or anything . . . )
People say --- (that you're a freak?)
There are plenty of fish --- (and that you're a freak)
In the sea --- (Unlike your tortured mermaid-girlfriend)
Baby, all I do I wish --- (Wish what?)
I wish, I wish I.. --- (What, dammit!)
I wish you were a little slower --- (Wha-? . . . You want her to be autistic?)
Not just slow but pa-pa-paralyzed --- (WHAT IN GODS NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU?)
I could put you on a socket --- (That's not a paraplegic! That's a fucking robot, dumbass!)
And you could never run away --- (How are you still mixing those two things up?)
I really wish that you were smaller --- (You. Need. Help. With your "kinks".)
Not just small but really really short --- (Oh Jesus, he's going to cut your legs off.)
So I could put you in my pocket --- (aaand the song title finally comes into play. A bit late, no?)
And carry you around all day --- (Run woman! Run for the hills!)
Oh I would put you in my pocket --- (Probably in a jar, from what we've seen from this guy.)
And carry you around all day --- (Never. Letting you. Out of his sight.)
Oh, you and me --- (Oh, thank god, I think he ran out of horrible deformities to give her.)
It'll be only you and me --- (Still creepy.)
Oh, you and me --- (How have the FBI not picked up on this guy?)
It'll be only you and me --- (How many bodies must he have under his floorboards?)
It'll be only you and me --- ( . . . Still a damn catchy tune, though. *adds to youtube playlist*)
. . .
Phew! Ok. That's a wrap. Now go make fun of someone more successful than you or something . . .
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