Warning! Hazardous! Aim Blog Away From Face!

How to make old movies more accessible to the new generation:
Here's where I suggest Disney and Pixar should start:
 . . . 
The Little Spermaid
The Lady who was a total Tramp
Snow White Trash and the Seven Dwarfs
Your Wildest Fantasia
Alice in Anal Wonderland
Who F**ked Roger Rabbit?
Robin Hood and his merry man-whores
Sleeping Beauty (a story about roofies)
The Jungle Fuck.
The Aristocunts
The Lion Kink.
Porkahontas
Gettin' Freaky Friday.
Sex Toy Story.
The Emperor's New Lube.
Lilo and Snatch.
The Insatiables.
Megan Fox and the Hound (banned in most countries outside central Asia)
anything starring Donald Dick.
 . . . 
Then theres the ones that don't need to be changed. They have triple-x names all by themselves.
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
The Rescuers go Down Under
 . . . 
The worst part is that I've a feeling most of these have already been done. (No. I'm not going to go find out.)
Did I miss any?
 . . .
And what is the deal with airline food? (cue recorded American laughter a.k.a. a noise that can only be described as "outrageous guffaws", and leaves you feeling as idiotic as the word "guffaw")
But really, why is it that the only time I really want to have ice cream is when it's fucking freezing outside? I get the association with cold weather and cold food that a brain numbed by sub-zero temperatures and a diet regular only in its unhealthiness, but why do I walk in from a blizzard and suddenly think that an iceburger is the thing that would really hit the spot right now.
I have sensitive teeth and everything! I bite into it, step outside, and it feels like I've been teabagged by Jack Frost.
 . . .
(cue outrageous guffaws) Shut up!
 . . .
World's Worst Names:
Ray Sissd.
Peter File.
Richard Heade.
Ben Dover.
Mary Hancock. (look up Spoonerism)
Cupid Stunt. (also Spoonerism)
Ivana Goda-de-Bafrum.
Mr. Bation.
Mike Hunt
Olive Dixon-Meahe.
Noah Shitte. 
Noah Shitte after he remarried to a woman who wanted a double-barrel name, making him Noah Shitte-Sherlock.
. . . 
One of those above is a real person I went to school with.
 . . . 
That's all. Now go and leave a comment about how awesome I am or something . . .