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 . . . 
So just let me get some of this internet slang stuff straight:

"I loled"          They're saying: "I Laughed Out LoudED" . . . That's not a real way to use an acronym.
"lulz"               They're saying: "Laugh Ut LoudZ" . . . that's not even english.
"rofl"               They're saying: "Rolling On Floor Laughing" . . . which would make an english teacher turn to drink
"asl"                They're saying: "Age/Sex/Location" . . . NOT as I first assumed, a shorthand way of saying "Asshole"
"g2g"              They're saying: "Got "2" Go" . . . which saves all the hassle and bother of typing One Goddamn Letter.
"lmao"            They're saying: "Laughing My Ass Off" . . . which always confused me. I mean, where does a phrase like that come from? Is it just hyperbole from a really weird source or did it actually happen one time and someone thought "Actually, I think I'll turn that person's horrible accident into a phrase, which can then be bastardised and overused so that it retains none if its original meaning.
"stfu"              No, YOU "steffew".

 . . . 

Just because I'm such a nice guy and I can't really give you an eye exam over an internet connection, I'm going  to check your spoken literacy levels.

Say these OUT LOUD and really fast

"I won a math debate."

"I am sofa king we Todd did."
"Hoof hearted ice melted."

Hurr. I laffed.
 . . . 

Wanna know some interesting things?

- Your open hand can cover exactly one half of your entire face.

Give it a try now.

 . . . 

Why the f*ck did you hesitate? You really think I'm going to do that thing where I smack your own hand into your face? 
Well, ok, the internet connection between us was the only thing stopping me from doing that.

But seriously, also,  

 - When you curl your fingers, or make a half-fist, all your fingers point to your thumb.


 . . . 
That's the end. 

Gotcha. Now go do some gardening or something . . .


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