Stuff you should look up: Herping the Derp all night long.

This is a Longan. Also known as a Lungan. Also known as DRAGON'S EYES.

 . . . 
That's right. Motherfucking
DRAGON'S EYES.


And no, there is no other way to type that. It's one of those things that's engrained in the male psyche.


It's an exotic fruit used in china. It's flesh is very sweet and I highly recommend buying a few if you have the chance.


You bite it slightly to break the skin, and then the skin slides off, and then you bite into it and 


BOOM! FUCK! WHAT THE HELL?

 Why? Why the hell would you not tell me that there is a massive, fuckoff seed in the middle of the goddamn fruit, friend-of-a-friend who offered this to me? 
This has turned a perfectly good taste-bud massage into a veritable sense-of-taste clusterbomb of hate.


I really hate it when fruit pulls a sucker punch on you like that. 


So here's some others I can bitch about!


-Fruit
---Sneaky motherfuckers

2) Peach 
Yeah, that's right. I'm calling you out on this you delicious seductress. You ever tried to do the thing where you cut it on the halfway mark and then try to twist it apart? 
I can't.
Fucker just leaves my hands looking like I tried to finger-paint with rotten fish mush. Ruins one of my favourite fruits.

3) Bananas in fruit salad


What the fuck? I see you there, trying to hide. Trying to turn that wonderful, sharp-tasting dessert into mushy, bland inedibility. Don't you da- I SAID DON'T YOU DARE DISINTEGRATE INTO PASTY, GROSS SYRU-oh fuck. Too late.

4) Prunes that haven't been de-seeded. 


Fuck you. 
Just.
Fuck.
You.
 - signed, My Teeth.

5) When Oranges Spit You In The Eyes When You Try And Peel Them, The Devious, Malevolent Asshats.


When Or-oh. Kinda let the title speak for itself there.


 . . . 


Th-Th-Th-Th-The-The-Th-That's all folks! 
Now go watch X-Men or something. . .