Looking over at my long-unused playstation 2, an article I read not too long ago seems to ring truer and truer. The article made the accusation that there are simply too many good games coming out. This particular writer listed out a good 30+ games that he desperately wanted too finish, yet knew he never would.If you'll just suffer with me for just a bit, I'll get to the funny in a bit.
I still want to finish: FFX, MGS3, Persona 4, Odin Sphere, LittleBigPlanet, Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and the entire Half Life series. . . oh dear jeebus. I've just had a frightening thought. I could've finished so much of that instead of playing Final Fantasy XIII. Well, fuckbuckets. Excuse me a moment . . .
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There, now I feel a little better and have the shape of a keyboard imprinted in my face. The two may be related. Hold on while I reattach the letter . . . *y*. There we go.
Moving swiftly on from that literally painful revelation, I've just thought of a game to play. Its called "Make your own 9 levels of hell" and I would explain the rules but then I'd just be repeating myself. This is as interesting as it is not-ripped-off-Tim-Buckley.
Level 1) - People under the age of 50 who wear socks with sandals - We start with the fairly light offences. Socks are used to keep feet warm. Sandals are used to keep feet cold. Older people do it because sandals are easier to put on. Use your head. Punishment: Footwear and clothes replaced with sacking cloth or coarse wool. Now your clothes annoy you as much as they annoy other people.
Level 2) - People with no imagination. Punishment: Access to all the primetime comedy TV series' DVD box sets in the world (Friends and such crap) and a broken DVD player. Actually, on second thoughts, I should've just changed the title of this level to "People who like Friends.
Level 3) - Health Nutjobs. Note, I have nothing against people who try to stay healthy. I am one. This is reserved for those who think soaking your socks in vinegar can cure cancer, and Indian charms can stave off headaches. Punishment: Trapped at an all-you-can-eat buffet where all the tastes are reversed. Unhealthy foods taste great and vice versa. . . so just like real life, but taken to the extreme.
Level 4) - People who purposly drink to excess at partys. Punishment: Permenant sobriety at Valhalla, but every morning you still wake up with a migraine and a girl called Bill.
Level 5) - People who complain about their feelings. ("Nobody understands me" "You don't know what it's like") Punishment: Easy, trapped in a room with everyone who is exactly the same as them, everyone reverted back to their puberty years. Wearing shirts that show their innermost thoughts.
Level 6) - People who don't understand consequences. ("I do sit-ups before going to McD's, why am I not thin?") Punishment: They are given a puppy/kitten, that will, despite thier best efforts, die young.They must then stuff the corpse themselves if they wish to get another.
Level 7) - People who tell others their beliefs are wrong and theirs are right. Punishment: Flying-Spaghetti-Monster heaven. Or hell I suppose. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flying+spaghetti+monster)
Level 8) - People who refuse to step out of their comfort zone. Punishment: Forced to watch videos of people on earth having fun doing new things, while all they have is the game: Pong, stuck on 2-player mode, alone.
Level 9) - PEOPLE. WHO. WON'T. STOP. QUOTING. FUCKING. BORAT. Punishment: Trapped in an enormous movie theatre that reruns and explicit version of the nude scene. Forever. While moustachioed men gnaw off their genitals.
. . .
Why does this always end up a rant? I'm really trying hard not to go down that route.
There, I'm done, now go finish a video game you haven't played in years or something.
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