If an octopus has three hearts . . . doesn't that make it three times more likely to have a heart attack?

Fuck.

Blog Day.

I've got nothing to say.

and I'm drunk.

Great. 

(sigh) Time to go through the "bottom of the barrel" known as . . . 

(shudder)

 . . . drafted blog posts. Things that were never meant to see the light of day, and still cry out "killll meeeee" as I scroll past them. What follows are the abominations which not even I thought worthy of putting on the internet for the viewing public. That's how bad I feel about posting this.

Fuck it. Think of it as a blooper reel.

 . . . 

Trouble thinking of ideas during a game of Never Have I Ever or Truth Or Dare? 

Simply bring up this web page! On the other hand, actually be original and think of something yourself. What the hell are you doing looking stuff up during a drinking game, anyway, ya sad bastard?!?

I Dare . . . 

I dare you to let me go through your laptop history! (I actually plan to use this the next chance I get!)

I dare you to show us any and all piercings you have!

^^^^^ repeat but with tattoos

Never . . . 

Never have I ever been in a car accident (I know one friend who would have to down their drink and then some for this!)

Never have I kissed a member of the same sex

Never have I been in the mile-high-club

Never have I ever had facebook chat open in one browser tab, and porn in another.

Never have I ever seen a close relative naked.

Never have I been regional/national champion in any competition

 . . . 

Competition time!

Think of a punchline to this joke set-up:

Three lemons and a melon walk into a bar . . . .

Go! Leave your answer in a comment! Betcha can't!

 . . . 

Ugh. Well that was painful. Granted, not as painful as my headache tomorrow morning. ZING!-oh man it hurts to zing already.


That's a wrap. Now go play Xbox or something . . .