I'd be lying if I said I was a courageous hero of free speech . . . or a giant, sentient ice cream.

Ok, seriously lads, it's a bit weird some of the results the stats page of the blog is showing. Could the regular readers of the blog leave a comment or something, because the more pageviews I'm getting from Russia, the less secure I feel in what I say.


 . . .


In other news: GUEST SPOTS!


That's right, lucky readers! I am giving YOU the chance to have your say on one of literally the most prestigeous website about random shit that pops into my head! What an honour!
You can write about whatever you want, complete with your own spelling errors!


All it takes is to send in your Blog Post, complete with joke name, place and occupation to the email address that comes up (minus the "mailto:" part) when you hover the mouse pointer over the "email" hyperlink under the "Contact" field when you click to see my profile on the right hand side of the blog.


Yes, I could just put the email address here, but that would be too easy, wouldn't it?


There's no real time limit. How about whenever? Is whenever good for you?


(Management reservs the right to take the piss in footnotes and/or editorial style comments.)
(I really would like to see people taking part in this. C'mon. Give it a go. It can't be worse than some of the backup material I have saved in the drafts folder, trust me!)


 . . . 


And Now back to our regularly-scheduled fuckupery.


New Smileys Wot I Just Made Up!

/: €   -- The Jamie Hyneman

/: - /    - - - The skeptic

% X  - - - I'm gonna throw up . . .

fdbskhfusduuuuuuuuuuuuu - - - I did throw up . . . on the keyboard . . .

(: R  - - - I am sticking my tongue out because an dart has pinned it to my lip

d : B - - - The cap-wearing buck-toothed redneck

8===D - - - The shovel / spade

8===D---   - - - The shovel / spade digging a trench / drill for potatoes

: 9 - - - I find this cuisine adequate to my exquisite tastes

: {   - - - El moustachio magnifico

:^   - - - I am a bird. How am I typing this? I lack the necessary cognitive functions to read and decipher human language.

#_#  - - - I am so goddamned tired right now.

'~'   - - - I find that questionable. (I think you're a lying cunt!)

 . . . 

That's your lot for now. Now go find El Dorado under the couch or something . . .