The facts of death edition!

So wait . . . if I want my friends to know something, and be ABSOLUTELY SURE that they'll know it . . . 
 . . . I tweet it with their #hashtag . . . 
 . . . I post it to their Facebook page . . . 
 . . . I tag them in a Facebook post about it . . . 
 . . . I send them a private message on Facebook . . . 
 . . . I send them a private chat message on Facebook . . . 
 . . . I send them a text . . . 
 . . . I send them an email from my hotmail account . . . 
 . . . I send them an email from my gmail account . . . 
 . . . I ring them on their mobile phone and tell them about it . . . 
 . . . I send them a message on Google+ . . . 
 . . . I post on their page on Google+ . . . 
 . . . I post on their Bebo or MySpace page (pfft!) . . . 
 . . . I send leave them a message on their blog, Blogger or Wordpress page . . . 
 . . . I leave them a message on YouTube . . . 
 . . . I send them a video response on YouTube . . . 
 . . . I call them on Skype . . .
 . . . I video call them on Skype . . .  
 . . . I message them on Skype . . . 
 . . . I message them on MSN . . . 
 . . . I message them on Steam . . . 
 . . . I leave them a private message on any of their account on literally every and any website that has that social media bullshit attached to it . . . 
OR I get up. Walk to where they are. And actually talk to them over a coffee or bowl of soup.


Take your goddamn pick. I know which one I'd prefer.
 . . . 


*Read in a booming, deep voice that shakes the very foundations of the soul*


In a world . . .


 . . . where "Cribs" is considered entertainment . . .


 . . . where people think "alot" is actually a real word . . .


 . . . and where the game Duke Nukem Forever was finally released after 13 years in development to turn out to be totally shit, . . . one man we-


 . . . what? . . .


 . . . what do you mean, "It's this world!"? . . .


 . . . seriously? . . .


 . . . well, shit. . . .


 . . .


In other news: HOLY UNDESERVED ATTENTION, BATMAN!!! 2000 PAGEVIEWS!


I'd like to thank my fans, (both of them)


My mom and dad (for not aborting me when I was at my most vulnerable, now I am far too strong for anyone to stop me ahahah. AHAHAHAHAHA *cough* ahem.)


The adoring public (even though I've never seen this mysterious, theoretical demographic. They're like electrons personified. You know they must be there, but by the time you find them, they've already moved on.)


And Jesus (Despite letting millions of people starve and be murdered every hour of every day. Actually, what has that lazy hoor ever done for me? Besides the whole death thing. What a douche. Always trying to guilt trip you into being a better person for one thing that made him look kinda good a few milennia ago.)


 . . .


That's it right now. Now go get fired keep your job or something . . .