Stuff you should look up: Now 33% more regular than before!

If I had a euro for every time i thought about you, I would have exactly . . . zero euro. Mainly because I have no idea who "you" are. Seriously, I have no clue who reads this. According to the stats meter, I have a regular viewer somewhere in Russia. How crazy is that? That has Stumbleupon written allll over it.

 . . . 

WokkaChokaWokkaChokaWokkaChokaWokkaChokaWokkaChokaWokkaChoka . . . Bing!

And today's topic is: 

-Webcomics

  ----- Updated Daily

1) Sinfest - Going for almost 10 years and still funny. Charts the adventures of two everyday people living their lives between a sarcastic puppeteer God, a wealthy, successful but unfulfilled Devil and everyone in between.

http://www.sinfest.net/index.php

2) Surviving the world - They say those who can't write, draw, and those who can't draw, photograph, and those who can still make it funny, are awesome.

http://survivingtheworld.net/

3) Bug Comic - Short, snappy, instantly recognisable. Also, all the characters are bugs.

http://www.bugcomic.com/

4) Cyanide and Happiness - Frankly, if you haven't heard of this yet, where have you been? NSFW language, ideas, or jokes. Meaning it's hilarious.

http://www.explosm.net/comics/

5) Questionable Content - High quality art style makes this a pleasure to read!

http://www.questionablecontent.net/index.php

 . . . 

BONUS ROUND!!!1!

6) Microsoft Paint Adventures - For those with truly a massive amount of time to spare: A comic that goes in the direction the readers tell it to via the forums. Sometimes up to 5 new panels a day. I recommend reading through this previous adventure to get a taste. Warning!: Mindfuck ahead!

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=4

 . . . 

That's all folks! Now go and shoot that wascawwy wabbit ow something . . .

Stuff you should look up: The unnecessary sequel!

What shall I post today then?
If you have any suggestions, then shout them out . . .
 . . . 
NOW!
 . . . 
No? Nothing? Fine. Try this:

Procrastination websites:
 -Randoms

1) Mendel's Soup: One of the best in the Soup image blogging meta-site. Just don't mind the polish posts. (And try and scroll all the way to the bottom. I dare ya!)
http://mendel.soup.io/


2) Coolvibe: THE place to go for inspiration or a new desktop backround.
http://coolvibe.com/


3) I New Idea: Where I go for ideas. Theres potential products here that will make you kick yourself in the face for not thinking of them sooner.
http://www.inewidea.com/


4) Sporcle: Quizzes with excellent layout and content to suit all tastes and knowledge.
http://www.sporcle.com/


5) Cracked: 3 new articles every day. The regular columnists are fantastic!
http://www.cracked.com/


 . . . 



BONUS STAGE!!!!!!


6) The Onion: The finest up-to-date news site on the web. They recently reported that the entire country of Mexico was killed in a gangland battle, and literally tens of americans going to the polls this week, despite the increasing danger of actually being responsible for electing someone into a position of power.
http://www.theonion.com/
 . . . 
That's it, now go and smile at nothing like an idiot. And enjoy it . . .

Increase font size by one: Increase pagecount by three. Repeat until requirement reached.

Do they do crash tests on clown cars? if they do, how many dummies can they fit in it?

 . . .

Has anyone ever stopped to think of just how much horseshit they have to wade through just to do some simple stuff these days? I swear to god that the ultimate heat death of the human race will not be all explodey and filled with cool lighting effects like Hollywood seems to think, but will come on the end of an inked rubber stamp.

 The permission slip to burn the last tree, the law legalising personal nuclear armaments, the law that says big brother can legally return to TV for another fifty fucking seasons. I have seen the future, people! It's filled with "reality" TV and automated sandwiches!

 . . .

So I just found that when I put "tired" into my phone's predictive text, it gives me the suggestion "three-way", confirming that I am the saddest man in the world, due to the fact that even my phone is telling me to get a social life. Although a friend argued that it wasn't hinting at a social life, just at a sex life. Gee, thanks.

Alternatively, the phone may be have achieved sentience, and has celebrated it by doing what all self-aware beings do: try to get laid immediately, constantly, and occasionally, vigorously.

I have also found that my phone's dictionary does not contain the word "penis". Don't ask how I found out. Now, seriously. It has the word Wikipedia in it for fecks sake. It's a medical term, look it up. Wait, you shouldn't have to, you're a DICTIONARY for crying out loud.

 . . .

Blueprint for every regular facebook chat conversation ever:


words

laughter + smiley face

misspelling. . . smiley face

expletive. . . smiley face

humorous observation

penguin 
 

 . . . the only alternative I'm aware of is the one that goes thusly.


overly chummy greeting . . . smiley face

reply with mildly threatening undertone

admission of request for help with assignment

polite refusal
cave in and give bare minimum of facts

Thanks profusely

exits conversation and attempts self-lobotomy using nearest brick wall
 . . . 
I can't think of anything else. That's your lot for now.
Now go and bake a cake or something. . .

Stuff you should look up: The awkward beginning!

OK, so there's no pic this time. But that's ok, because there's no words either. This seems like a nice thing to try as a regular feature. So here goes:

Heres some stuff which may not be the best out there, but it's stuff that I like. Things that were recommended by friends or that I discovered for myself. I highly recommend them.

-Music
   ----Piano
        ----Instrumental
             ----Classical

1) River flows In You by Yiruma
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhN7SG-H-3k


2) Clair De Lune composed by Debussy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LXl4y6D-QI


3) The Heart Asks Pleasure First (a.k.a. The Promise) by Micheal Nyman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZeA0PbjcdI


4) To Zanarkand by Nobuo Uematsu (from the playstation 2 game Final Fantasy 10)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lP_anjF6rA&feature=related


5) Dearly Beloved by Yoko Shimamura (from the playstation 2 game Kingdom Hearts 2)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yna9FIlV03Y


6) Auto Rock by Mogwai
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLFd6k1BHDk


. . . 
If a fly stops flying, is it called a walk?
 . . . 
EDIT: Actually went back and linked the damn videos. Derp. :P

Ouch! My sense of entitlement!

The following is a broadcast for all product designers out there, along with anyone else who cares enough to listen:
I don't have much to say here. Only a few words that may echo true the more I try and explain them even to myself. Those words are thus:
Quit. Your fucking. Bitching.
 . . .
Let's just wait a moment while you get all riled up before I tell you to sit your overused asses straight back down again like Cher Lloyd just asked for a standing ovation.
We recently got some bad results. Next week, for the first we are all going to get together to collectively attempt to raise our grade by arguing we have had too little time to spread between the various projects and essays we have been given. That's bullshit, and you know it. 
 . . .
I know that at least one of you reads this blog, but I am putting this down here and you may do with it what you wish. I would of course, like to raise my grades. You know how I'd like to do that? By working. Fucking. Harder. By doing better work. By doing some work full stop. Ever think of that, you guys?
 . . . 
In case you haven't noticed, our class kinda sucks (bar those one or two obsessive people who are in every class). I am not talking about myself here. I have many, many weaknesses. I have very little creativity skills or lateral thinking. Most of the stuff i do is "research" from other sources. The only reason I was able to get this far in the course is my drawing skills, (which, might I add, I fucking try hard at!) and my ability to say "Y'know what I like? Not having all these project deadlines heading for me like a raging bull with a steam train rammed up its arse and nothing done for any of them."
 . . .
It's 3rd year, and It's only now (NOW!?!) that we're learning how to actually work on stuff. College is not a holiday. I realise that some of you have jobs, very busy ones, and in some cases, two. But we have studio space for a reason. We have about four hours every day of dedicated design time for a reason.
 . . .
So what do I think we could do instead? Well, lets take a look at ourselves. We don't use the space given, we don't work in the prearranged time, and we ignore those employed to help. Guess what's the constant in all those questions?
 . . . 
My argument is this: We. Have no. Fucking. Passion. 
 . . . 
PASSION!!!!!
 . . . 
OK, so that was a few too many exclamation marks, but you get my meaning. When was the last time any of us were actually excited about anything in our course? Yes, we have been doing much of the same since first year, but we have come along so much since then! We can make marketing boards, advertising campaigns, 3d models, Photoshop renders when not a single one of us owns photoshop legally! Why do we keep complaining when they ask us to get our asses in gear and put out some fucking rough models and sketches? At this stage, That should be the easiest thing in the world!
 . . .
So I implore you again. Quit. Yer bitching.
 . . . 
If you want those grades so much, why did you just sit back when the morning-before deadline came along and spent the entire night gettin all up in my grill about what we should be doing? Is this what people are like in every course in the country? I fucking hope not.
 . . . 
So the next time we are given a fairly easy run-of-the-mill electronics project (like the laptop remote) how about you use all that experience you have to do a good job instead of complain that they never give us interesting ones? And when they DO (the paper and rock project) how about you do what you can instead of complain that they never give us any easy, sensible ones?
 . . . 
Hate me if you want. By all means do, as It will only drive me more to surpass anyone I can. But I think I'm pretty right about this. They were ridiculous to cap 3/4 of the class at a C1 on attendance without telling them, and for that, we have the right to give them a verbal brickbat to the nuts. I also agree that Lenny O'Sullivan can go die in a fire fueled by all those writing assignments he gave us. But know what? They were still doable! But if the debate descends into a shouting match, I am so gone. I'll be gone faster than if Ricky Gervais had walked into the room and I had left the shotgun at home.
 . . .
"If you can't win by reason, go for volume." Think of your goddamn reasons, guys. Exercise a bit of humility, and take responsibility where its frickin due, alright?
Ugh. I think that's all. If you made it this far, There's a super special surprise easter egg here.
 . . .
(and here)
Now go and leave a comment on how wrong I am or something . . .#
 . . . EDIT:
Ok, so having slept on it and being advised to breath every once in a while, I wanna make my position clearer. I'm gonna leave the original post the way it is. However:
I'm trying to make the point that at some point we need to recognise the freedom we have here. We have the freedom to do what we want in college, and we have the freedom to get good grades and get great experience, but the absolute freedom that overrules all others is The Freedom To Take The Consequences. Both lecturer and student are partially at fault here, and we need to recognise that. 
Didn't mean to make it so shouty is all.
Fin.

Can I donate blood if it's not mine?

OK, so after reviewing the previous weeks posts, I have come to the conclusion that I need to make my blog more positive and upbeat!
So my house was broken into today and my PlayStation was stolen . . . 
 . . . 
Shit.
OK. Screw that for a game of monopoly. You ever get the feeling that God should get down off His Almighty High Horse, come down here, fry us all and start again from amoebas? 'Cos that's what I would be praying for tonight if I thought for a second that He gave a monkey's left one about my problems.
Frankly, it could have been worse. My trophy's (online PlayStation achievements) are are redeemable if I get another ps3, and I only had 3 games on the go. 
What really burns me is the fact that they not only stole belongings from me, but time as well. I had put literally weeks of my life into that machine, and now I have nothing to show for it. It's like those 50 hours I spent playing Final Fantasy XIII never existed! . . . .
Well, even the most violent thunderclouds have silver linings, I guess.
 . . . 
They might as well have put me in a time machine and aged me, because as far as my age in terms of bitter world-weariness, I am 140 years old at this stage. That's at least 0.9 Frankie Boyles, or 0.4 John Steinbecks for those Americans who need that converted into metric.
 . . . 
But, as they say, tomorrow is another day. There is always tomorrow. If there's one thing, I've learned, it's that tomorrow is always there.
Waiting.
Waiting for you to slip up, to lose track. Then BAM. It comes and hits you right when you don't want it there, like an automatic door that's developed a malevolent sentience.
Tomorrow's a dick, is what I'm trying to say.
Tomorrow is the guy who brings a guitar to a house party. 
Tomorrow waits until the very end of your story before interrupting and telling one that's not as good, but involves him in some way (taking poetic licence to assume tomorrow is in fact, male. Which sounds about right.). 
Tomorrow doesn't flush. . . EVER.
 . . . 
So yeah, life goes on and all that shit. Really, The odds of me getting my PlayStation back are as likely as The Likely Lads clicking the Like button on licking a leaking lake. Which is to say it's not very likely at all. 
Practically impossible. 
I'm not even sure how that would work.
 . . . 
Now go and lock the door or something.

Bass-Ackwards

Do you ever think that rock stars and punk bands purposefully get into abusive, unstable relationships just so they'll have something to sing about?
 . . . 
Well, after spending the entire day sitting on my arse on a ride-on lawnmower, I think it's time to spend some quality time sitting on my arse typing. I had an idea today whilst trying to stave off the frequent heamorroid-inducing states of boredom. It's time for a new feature: Word-Learningness Day!
 . . . 
It works thusly: I find a word or phrase that I use in the frequent conversations with myself, but yet have no idea what it means. I then attempt to find out using the most premier internet sources available. You, the reader get to learn about it with me. Won't that be fun?
 . . . 
Well fuck you, I feel like doing it anyway.
 . . . 
The word for today is "Oligarchy". Or possibly "Religeous Oligarchy". Whatever get the best answers. Because shut the hell up. That's why.
 . . . 
urbandictionary:

	A system of government that is run by a small group of people not subject to vote or approval. The small group of people run the world in a feudal system-esque manner. While the other people are basically their slaves.

So it's basically one of those evil shadowy corporation type things with the circle of executives sitting round a table with their faces hidden. Like the Illuminati? Or McDonalds?
. . . 
wikipedia:
 Basically, it says that every system of government becomes an oligarchy. Which is depressing to think that shadowy dick-taters will eventually rule us all.
 . . . 
oligarchy.net:
 The most subtley terrifying website that money from 1997 can buy.
 . . . 
youtube.com:
 Playlist: The Criminal Elite Oligarchy (New World Order Illuminati)
Consists of videos about: The Pope, Tom Cruise, George Bush, The Black Pope, The Sun newspaper, The Evil Pope, The Disney Corporation and Mars. The Planet Mars.
 . . . 
So what exactly have we learned here today:
As far as I can remember (because scrolling back up the page is waaay too hard), is that the world will inevitibly be eventually ruled by a shadowy group of dictators around a table wearing robes and hoods. These people will consist of, but are not limited to: The Pope (who is black and/or evil), a hollywood actor, a former president and renowned fucktard, a british tabloid, a cartoon and theme park company, and a nearby 6.4185 × 10²³ kg hunk of space-rock.

 . . .

All in all, more useful than what I learn in college on any given day.
 . . . 
Thats a wrap. Now go finish that thing with that yolk that you're supposed to be doing.